This is going to be a subject that I am going to get a ton of backlash from, but these are my beliefs and you do not have to agree with them. Feel free to share your beliefs in a non-judge mental manor and have open conversation with me. Labeling, name calling, gaslighting, belittling or anything that invalidates another's opinion will not be tolerated. Lets be civil and discuss Religion and Anarchy.
Growing up I attended a Lutheran school all the way through the 8th grade and if it was up to me I would have attended a Lutheran High school as well. Thank my parents for pushing me to attend SHS because what I am about to discuss completely goes against how I was brainwashed by my church.
Life is not all rainbows and sunshine and when I started to branch off into the world on my own and have my OWN thoughts and ideas I realized the church had more evil in it than the real world did. Everyone told me to give everything I have to the church. Live minimally and give regularly. THIS IS TRUE. Unless you are dirt poor and come from a family that is living a lie and appearing as if they are better than anyone because they "had money" and would give more than we had. You all know by now my life wasnt rainbows and sunshine.
The church taught me that sinning would send me to hell. Do you know what it means for someone with obsessive compulsive disorder to cope with hearing this? I kept track of my sins and thought that if i went over a certain number i was surly going to die and be sent to hell. I lived my whole 4th-8th grade in fear that the Lord was going to take me because of all the sins I had committed, including the sin of having sex before matromony, having sex outside of a marriage, disrespecting my father everytime he put the belt to my bare ass and pussy. I was certain I was going to Hell. It was just a matter of when.
Is that my fault though? Did I know any better. One could argue yes but I know your brain doesnt stop fully developing until your late 20's. What I want to know is if we arent supposed to sin than how can we learn from mistakes. Tell me all you want, "Well Jesus died and absorbed all my sins so I could have free will" or whatever, Jesus was probably a mentally ill blasphemous normal human being who had a delusion and got people to follow him just like Charles Manson did. I am not putting that fear in the hands of a cereal killer. Mistakes are not sins and we need to stop instilling that fear into children who go to private schools. You will not go to hell. It is all about balance. The yin and yang. There must be evil to be good and the good supreme being has to let evil in in order to have oposition and let us make our own choices. Otherwise we wouldnt have brains and we would be walking robots. Get your heads out of your asses and realize life for what it is. It is nothing. Pointless. But with being pointless, we cant walk around like zombies, we must create life and appreciate every moment that is oppertunity for growth and change.
Today, as an "adult", that fear has followed me and has prohibited me from living a fufilling life. Instead I am left with a life of existensial angst. Always contradicting and going back and forth to end up with the same resolution every time. That life is irrelevent. Scary thought when you are a suicidal person, but there comes a time when you actually use that thought as motivation to prove to people your intelligence for being able to see life for what it really is.
I dont say any of this to disrespect anybody else and their opinion. I still believe in a supreme energy, and that is my "higher power". I mean, someone had to put something here in order to create life.
I will leave you with this single thought. What if everything you had been taught is a lie. Are you going to put all your trust in something to live a life full of judging and hate?
Love and Rage
Nicholle
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