After falling in love with babydoll and coming to realize what love was, my crushes on women did not subside. In fact, they grew stronger and more intense.
It didnt start out as anything sexual, more like just idolizing my best friends but the more time I spent with them, the more controling of a friend I became.
I wanted to spend all my time with ONE person because I wanted that ONE person to want me just as bad. Babydoll called me out on being overly-obviously affectionate
to the point my dad would ask, "Are you two lesbians?" or "Just make out already". Now I see how fucking creepy he was.
After baby doll high school came rough. I met a girl my summer going into my freshman year. I was still a make out virgin when it came to boys but she liked
giving her body away to boys. She was a lot more mature when it came to sex than I was. I didn't even know if I liked boys or if I was just "Broken". I coppied
everything sexylips liked. I hope if we liked the same things then she would like me too. I should have gotten the clue I was being too obviously gay when
these girls would straight out ask me, "DO you like me or something" and I would say, "As a friend, yeah."
Sexylips was drop dead gorgeous and sexylips liked to drank so when we found ourselves giving eachother hickys one night, I got a little tongue action in
return. Then I was told to never speak of it again. To shut my mouth, like they were embarassed to be seen with me. Embarassed they stooped that low to kissing a
female. How was I the only lesbian out of my group of friends.
Then I met my best friend when I started working. I thought she was gay although, she never and still has never admitted it to me. Even though everyone else
has known forever. I started to feel more welcomed around girls, they understood me and some of them called me cute. I felt like I was wanted. It was great.
But then sexy lips got jealous I was hanging with new friends and she did whatever she could to keep me stringing along. Took me on trips, bought me nice things
and treated me like family. Or maybe that is just what you do to a friend and I didnt understand because I always wanted to be more than her friend. I learned
what fucking a guy felt like thanks to her. She set me up with one of her Ex-boyfriends friends but instead of persuing him I persued her ex boyfriend on a night
where I was "attempting" to mend their broken relationship. I bled for like 3 days. Did the crush become obsession now?
She made my life hell for the next 3 weeks at school until I couldnt bear it anymore, I Stayed home. Death threats. SLUT. WHORE.a facebook page made about me.
I couldnt handle it. I was gonna pay for my mistake...but at to what cost is that really necessary.
I met a another friend shortly after with tits bigger than any grown woman i had ever seen or known. She had everything she wanted and I knew her life was
probably better than mine too. I spent all my time with her, i even quit basketball and graduated early for her. She just wanted to be my friend though. She
found that out 2 sememesters too late when i got jealous or MAD at her for hanging out with her friends. She is like, super successful now in the pharmaceutical
world.
RIDE OR DIE. this bitch was literally that. We went through some of our fucking roughest times together and if it werent for her, i would have NEVER had confidence.
She made me feel loved in return, only she really just wanted to be friends. I never even tried with her. She was a beauty queen and off limits to ANYONE
especially her best friend. I got in more trouble with her and stood by her more than i had ever been near someone else. RIDE OR DIE will always have love in my
heart.
The next few friends I had, I never really understood because i had found out what sex with a male was like. Just dick sex. Penetraition. That awkward thing you
dont talk to anybody about. Were all my troubles began.
I have love for each of you women still. You all still some hot mammas :) and some of you are...mommas
Love and Rage,
Lynsnich
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