I'm almost out of attention grabbers, so I hope i dont lose you today. I find it hard to focus on a topic and stick to it, therefore I will not be posting my topics in my afternoon sessions. I was trying to get off my other laptop some documents I wrote about on the illness I have. You are probably familiar with the term "Borderline Personality Disorder" but what does that really mean? Unfortunately those documents are not accessible at the moment. I will be looking for a new flash drive today.
I do not type here to trigger anybody, no that is not my intention. I want to normalize what is being stigmatized. I want to fight for those of you who are struggling to get into a psychiatrist because of lack of resources, but also and more importantly, lack of professionals. 3 Months to see a doctor is a joke. Especially if you are struggling daily to manage you depression or other illness. I mean the ER is always an option to get help faster but then you are stuck with a $500 copay, not including your psych stay. Let me help you find help if you are in need.
The dissociating is getting to become the daily norm. A walking zombie. My inner being is being pushed towards enlightenment but this outer shell of mine is content being a lonely shell.
I was asked by a viewer why keep up the facade?
Stability. I don't care how much pleasure i get from my sick demented fantasies and behaviors, morality is at steak here and i have something to share with the world. Even if it just one of you. The facade is what keeps me going. Fake it until you make it type deal. I hate thinking of it that way. I like things to kept genuine, fake plays with your sense of trust.
My goal is to finish this book by the end of the night. "The Fall" by Albert Camus. A phenomenal, philosophical read. If you are a person who questions and over analyzes everything, i encourage you to pick up this book. Learn to have a "Fuck it" attitude. Im here and I am going to take up as much space as i want on this planet. Who says you get more space than I do? Thats right, NO BODY. You are in control. You are your own boss.
Please take time for yourself today. Unwind from the week and prepare for the upcoming one. Its gonna be a good one that is for sure because I said it was. And you can say it too. Action before motivation. You got this! Chat tonight. Peace.
Love and Rage,
Lynsey
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