I know I am not the only one who takes being angry to a whole new level. 100 stories up, over a burning bridge and coated in revenge level. My palms get sweaty, I clench my teeth together, pierce my lips, scream 5000 thoughts in a matter of seconds and count down the tics until the bomb goes off. Being angry is the most uncomfortable of the emotions my brain holds in its basket. It is the largest and most accessible in the pack. An adrenaline rush starting at the tips of your toes rushing upwards until it reaches the head and blooms into a full on vendetta. Not just rage, but burning rage. I dissociate into the hulk and jekyl and hyde the shit out of whatever or whomever I am angry at, resulting in one of the following:
Cutting my arms
Name calling and Hitting below peoples belts
Throwing objects
Screaming incoherently
Running away
Threatening to kill myself
Breaking my relationship off and cutting off friends
This is a minute list out of all the possible outcomes of burning rage. It is not a complete list.
My rage sends me to places incomprehensible and indescribable to the human brain and eye. A small dispute over "not sleeping enough" will throw me shift me into gear forcing me to buckle up and hold onto the ground for my life. Who would have known that not getting enough attention because your partner needs 8 hours of sleep but you are so bored in the absence of their company would send me to the hospital with scrapes and bruises, literally. Who would have known a 8 day visit to the psych ward would be my "reward" for that. What kind of person threatens suicide over that and not only manipulates but proceeds with their mission. Yeah lets impulsively without thinking take the rest of the ativan and slice down my arterial vein.
Controlling this monstrous emotion is like holding your ID back from seeking pleasure. It is impossible. It pops up, out of nowhere and takes a hold of you. You lose control; but it is possible to contain that anger. To express it in a healthy matter. I know that sounds like an oxymoron but anger isnt a one way street. There arent sides and the only thing at steak is your emotions; but your emotions are controllable. You do not have to act a certain way because you feel a certain way. You dont have to smile when you are happy. You dont have to fight or cut when you are angry. Get the point across to the person by remaining calm, staying assertive and standing firm in what you believe in and what your body is telling you you need.
As David Burns, one of the creators of CBT(Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) would say, "Even when a genuinely negative event occurs, it is the meaning you attach to it that determines emotional response" (Feeling Good). Next time you are angry, STOP. Take a deep breath and review what is going on around you. You dont have to get caught up in the world's chaos.
Most of the events I get angry about are out of my control, meaning if somebody says something I don't like or something doesn't go my way, the outcome is inevitable because I cannot control other peoples responses and reactions.
Anger is also known as a secondary emotion. Most of the time when you are boiling over the top about something, that means there is a need that is not getting met. There is another emotion that is deeper and it is being covered and smothered by general madness. Sometimes it is sadness or grief, it can be panic or anxiety, fear is usually the winner in this boxing match.
What makes you angry?
Out of 1 to 10 how angry does it make you feel?
Is the release of rage worth the consequences?
How do you feel afterwards?
If we all felt anger and let it fester then there would be no love in the world. We would run on hate and grudges. Bob Marley sings, "Don't worry, Be Happy" and he is damn right about that. Let things go. Go be YOU outside or in a different room. Gather your thoughts, observe them and pick out the distortions in them. Is it worth it?
Now I am not telling you to stay away from that emotion. It is important to feel the full spectrum. It is crucial for your mental health. It is all about balance and we all know we cant put out a fire without the rain.
Stay focused, stay in your lane and tackle life by grabbing it by the throat. You can control yourself. It is very possible.
Love and Rage,
Lyns
Opmerkingen