SnUgGs

Emotions: exhausted, unfulfilled, indecisive

Mood: 5/10

Urges: Self-harm, binge eating

My legs hurt so good right now. I haven't worked them out like this in a very long time. Today I helped move my grandmother out of our house and into her new place. It is going to be different not having her around, grandmothers can be so uplifting and supportive. My grandma is the sweetest most caring person I know. My role model from day 1. Miss independent don't need no man to love me, i take care of me woman. She knows how awesome i think she is, i told her every day of her being here =]

Just thought I would check in with you all tonight at see how you were doing? Today I struggled intensely with urges. Maybe my post from this afternoon triggered that addictive side. I did not hurt myself, but I did feel uncomfortable feelings of grief, as I miss my DOC immensely. If you are going to bed struggling with those urges I encourage you to sit with that uncomfortable feeling for 15 minutes. Sit alone, feet on the floor eyes shut. Notice your thoughts as they drift past you in a streaming flow. Just watch them pass by. No need to say anything back to them. After you do so, check in with yourself again. It typically helps me. When it doesn't, then I do something active instead. Yoga right before bed, i would go for a late night run but I don't trust people anymore. I know the kind of thoughts I have, only others might act more impulsively. Ive seen a thing or two go down. Hell I was harassed one time while living in Moline. If physical activity still isnt fighting the urges, reach out to somebody. Someone who you can confide in. Maybe your parents, a teacher, aunt, uncle, best friend. Somebody cares. I care.

Tonight I'm self-caring the eff out of myself. I'm watching horror movies all night. I realized I hadn't seen one in over 3 months. That is not cool, Lynsey. Scrolling through netfilx as we speak,,,

It is so funny. I hear people complain all the time that there isnt enough good horror films on netflix anymore, but i disagree. Everyone hates the bloody gory shit but I cant get enough! I sound like a vampire. My favorite films are B flick horror films. No thrill to it but definitely disturbing.

Turning on "The boys love Mandy Lane". I'll let you know how it is or you could watch it with me!

Love and Rage,

Lynsey

ps: I'm eating popcorn if you want some.